Freaky Thursday
by Carly-M
Summary: <html><head></head>The group willingly swaps personalities for a day, what could possibly go wrong?</html>
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Freaky Thursday  
><strong>Author:<strong> Carly  
><strong>Character(s)Pairing(s):** Study group, J/A  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> Up to 2.21  
><strong>RatingWarnings:** PG  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> Part 1: 2,780  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> I don't own Community.  
><strong>Summary:<strong> The group willingly swaps personalities for a day - what could possibly go wrong?  
><strong>Notes:<strong> I'm imagining there's a month gap between 2.20 & 2.21 - this is set just after 2.20.

* * *

><p>Shirley rummaged around in her handbag for some fliers while Annie, Jeff, Abed and Pierce were eating their lunch. She handed one to each of them with a dazzling smile, but wasn't met with much enthusiasm in return.<p>

"You want us to come to a 'Jesus Jamboree'?" said Jeff, scrutinizing the paper. "On a Saturday? Willingly?"

Annie narrowed her eyes. "I'm not being tricked into another baptism am I?"

"God forbid you two get a little God in your lives," said Shirley, folding her arms. "I'm _inviting_ you because my church choir is singing and I have a solo."

Jeff blinked at her. "My initial reluctance still stands."

"No need to be rude, Winger," said Pierce, tucking the flier away in his shirt pocket. "Shirley, you can count on me to be there."

"Thank you, Pierce."

"There'll be free food right?"

"Yes Pierce," she sighed.

"Like I said, you can definitely count on me."

Shirley glanced expectantly at the others. "What about the rest of you? I mean, you may not be fans of Jesus but you can still be fans of me." She played with the straps of her bag. "And never mind the fact that I've been putting in long, _long_ hours making my song sound perfect, thinking in the back of my mind, 'Oh, I hope my study group enjoys this'."

"You can stop using your guilt-tripping mom tone on us, it's not going to work," said Jeff.

"It might be working a tiny bit," said Annie sheepishly. "I guess we could maybe come for an hour or so?"

"What? No! Do not get sucked in. Counter-attack with your Little Mermaid eyes!"

"Annie uses Ariel stare – it's ineffective," murmured Abed, scooping some raisinets into his mouth.

Shirley stabbed at a cherry tomato in her salad. "What do you have against supporting your friends, Jeffrey? Or is it just me you're taking your attitude out on this week?"

Abed heard Jeff make an exasperated sound next to him. "Shirley uses the flame of fury – it's super effective."

"Would you cut it out, Abed?" Jeff put his hands out to placate Shirley. "I have nothing against anyone. You have a great voice and I think you're awesome. But me and religion don't mix and never will."

"Maybe you just need to _Chang_ your point of view?"

The group glanced up to where Britta had suddenly appeared with Troy.

"Oh hey, Chang," said Jeff. "I see you finally got those breast implants."

"You should tell the doctor he didn't fill them up all the way," said Pierce.

Britta glowered at him before sitting down. "I wouldn't make me Changry if I were you." She pointed at Pierce's face. "Are you bitten? _Are you bitten_?"

"Britta, why are you doing an extremely terrible impersonation of Chang?" asked Abed.

"It's one of our acting assignments," Troy grinned. "We have to choose someone and walk in their shoes for a day. Guess who I am." He cleared his throat and made a raise the roof gesture. "Pop, pop!"

"Garrett?" said Jeff. "Ooh, no, Starburns."

"What on earth did you choose that lunatic for, Britta?" said Shirley, ignoring the boys.

Britta stole some carrot sticks from Abed's plate and shrugged. "Making up Chang puns is kind of addictive."

"And Magnitude, Troy?" said Annie. "Won't that be limiting conversation-wise?"

"Pop, pop can be pretty versatile," said Troy, taking a sip of his soda. "It got me this drink. And I've scored groupies already, it's kind of rad." He waved at a few elderly men at another table.

Pierce rolled his eyes. "They're Leonard's hipster pals and most of them are on a one-way trip to cuckoo-land. They probably think you're calling them grandpa."

Troy appeared thoughtful. "That _would_ explain all the Werther's Originals in my backpack."

"I don't know about you guys," said Abed, "but I'm sensing a perfect opportunity for some group hijinks. We haven't taken part in any for a while."

"What are you talking about?" said Jeff. "Has the rodent infestation from last week completely escaped your mind? We had to fend off hungry rats with library books _and_ carry Troy out on our shoulders after he fainted."

"I still feel awful for screaming in the Dean's face and busting his eardrums," said Troy sadly while Britta patted his arm.

Abed shook his head. "I'm not talking about unplanned hijinks. I mean something that could ultimately bring us closer together."

"Yeah, I'm going to pre-emptively sit this one out," said Jeff. "You kids have fun, though."

Shirley frowned at him. "Don't listen to grouchy-pants over there. What did you have in mind, Abed?"

"Freaky Friday – Greendale style!" he said, waving his hand in front of him as if to conjure the words in mid-air. "Except we won't have to hide our new personality and none of us have to be Lindsay Lohan to do it."

"Oh... that's nice?"

"Freaky Friday?" said Pierce. "Isn't that the movie where the busty blond twins go to the frat party and—"

"No!" everyone yelped in unison.

Annie tried to shake the image out of her head. "So what you're saying, Abed, is that you think everyone should swap personalities with someone else in the group for a day?"

Abed nodded but Troy looked conflicted. "Does it have to be on Friday? Because we're dressing up like pirates in my sword fighting class that day."

"It doesn't have to literally be on a Friday," said Abed. "We could try it out tomorrow during our Anthropology field trip to the train museum."

"I still don't get what that has to do with Anthropology, BTW" said Britta.

Jeff lifted his head up from his phone. "BTW? Did I miss the memo about talking like a 13-year-old girl on Twitter?"

"No, but you missed the one about shutting your stupid pointy face."

"LOL," said Troy, giving her a high-five.

"Although now that I think about it," Britta continued, "the train museum can't get any worse than Duncan's excursion to the donut shop because, according to him, 'mankind is known for eating donuts and I forgot to plan today's lesson'."

"I think Freaky Friday sounds like a wonderful idea to get a better understanding of each other," said Shirley, beaming across at Abed. "Just as long as I don't end up as Pierce," she mumbled under her breath. "I understand him _just_ fine."

"How are we going to choose who is who?" said Annie.

Abed took out a notebook and pen and started to write everyone's name down on a piece of paper. "We'll draw the names out of a hat."

"But we don't have a hat?"

"Just wait..."

"Hello!" yelled the Dean, leaping out in front of their table. He adjusted the top hat and tails he was wearing and bowed in front of them. "Just stopping by to _formally_ invite you to our fumigation fundraiser dance next Wednesday. It's sure to be a hoot and a half."

"Does that mean there are still rats running around?" said Troy, lifting his feet off the ground.

"No, no cats from the pound, Troy," laughed the Dean. "We got rid of them last fumigation."

Britta looked horrified. "You better be joking."

The Dean glanced down at his costume. "What am I poking?"

"Oh man, I killed his ears so _baaaaad_," muttered Troy, trying to avoid eye contact.

"Dean," said Abed, making sure he could read his lips. "Could we borrow your hat?"

"Sure!" He passed it to Abed and stood smiling at the group until he realized they were waiting for him to leave. "Right, well I'll just pop over to another table while you're busy shall I?"

"Good idea," said Jeff.

"Why thank you, Jeffrey," he said, playfully swatting his shoulder. "I _have_ been working on my biceps."

Jeff stared at the Dean in bewilderment as he left. "That sounded nothing like biceps! I call selective deafness!" he yelled out after him.

"Never mind your sex games with baldy, I want to know who _I'm_ getting freaky with," said Pierce, ignoring everyone's groans of disgust.

Abed put the rolled up pieces of paper in the hat and shook it around before inviting everyone to choose. "Don't open them yet, though." He took one out himself and held out the hat to Jeff. "You get the last one."

"Abed, I already told you I'm not playing."

"Jeff can you just do this with us?" said Annie. "Is it too much to ask that you drop the cool guy act for one day and have some fun?"

"I'm not sure what _your_ dictionary has under the definition of fun, Annie, but mine doesn't say anything about unwanted personality transplants."

Troy screwed up his nose. "I was hoping I'd get you Jeff, but if this is how I'm going to have to act then I'd rather get Pierce. At least I could spend the day passing gas and blaming it on Shirley."

"You hear that, Winger?" said Pierce. "I officially became cooler than you."

Jeff rolled his eyes. "Like I care."

"Oh I think you care a little," said Annie. "But hey, don't worry about us. We'll just have a good time bonding as a group tomorrow while you're off hanging out with Chang while he scrounges through bins looking for half-eaten food."

"Fine," said Jeff, shoving his hand into the hat and snatching the last bit of paper. "You want to go there? We'll go there. But I'm calling it right now. Tomorrow is going to end in tears because let's face it; we're us. And when that happens, I'm going to sit back and laugh and look up different translations of 'I told you so' on Babel Fish."

Britta took Abed's notebook and poised the pen over it. "Do you buy your douche flakes from a specific place or is the cereal aisle at the grocery store OK? I want to be prepared just in case."

"LMAO," drawled Jeff. "Better get my preparation underway too."

"I'll send an email to everyone tonight outlining all the specifics of the swap," said Abed. "But for now, Freaky Thursday is officially a go. Everyone, open your piece of paper."

* * *

><p>The group stared at each other with varying degrees of discomfort. They were sitting around the study room table, but no one was in their usual seat.<p>

"This is weird," said Troy, shifting around in Shirley's chair. "My back is warm. I'm used to getting a draft on it from the door; I don't think I can work like this."

"You don't have to do any work," said Abed, sitting where Pierce would normally be. "We're just easing into things before we officially start proceedings at ten o'clock."

Pierce wriggled around with a look of distaste. "I want my own chair back. Troy's doesn't have the right butt groove in it."

"Please don't talk about butt grooves when I'm sitting so close to you," said Britta, peering curiously at Abed's 'Classic Wingers' notches. "I can't believe you're up to thirty, Abed."

"Well I like my new seat," smiled Shirley, putting her handbag down next to Britta's chair. "It's nice being able to see the noticeboard for a change. And speaking of the noticeboard," she cooed, "I'd like to point out the new flier for my Jesus Jamboree."

"Subtle," murmured Jeff. He stretched his legs out and rested them on the spare seat next to Annie. "This arrangement sucks by the way, the overhead light keeps reflecting off my phone."

"Or does it suck because someone else has finally taken over the Winger throne?" asked Annie, primly folding her hands in front of her.

"Please, throne away," said Jeff. "I'd just like to remind you you're now in prime position for the Dean to paw at you."

Annie drew her cardigan closer to herself while Abed passed around some stickers. "Just so we don't get confused during the day, we should all write our new aliases on these 'Hi my name is...' tags."

They all complied and attached them to their shirts, Jeff sticking his down the bottom of his sweater out of sight.

"Is everyone clear on the rules?" asked Abed.

"We have to remain in character until five o'clock," said Britta.

"No using the ladies bathroom even if you're a lady person," said Troy.

"And don't feed the gremlins after midnight," said Jeff, trying to find a better angle to see his phone screen.

Abed nodded. "OK, I think we're good to go."

* * *

><p>Duncan stood at the front of the Anthropology classroom to address his students before their field trip. "While we're waiting for Samuel to arrive with the bus – and can I just say, <em>most <em>delightful new driver Greendale has ever had." He was met with murmurs of agreeance. "I want to remind you about representing the school while we're out in public. Namely, don't mention where we're from because people like to throw rotten fruit at us." Shirley raised her hand to get his attention. "Yes, Shirley?"

"Oh no, I'm not Shirley, I'm Britta." She pointed to her name tag. "See?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Everyone in the study group has swapped personalities for the day," said Abed. "Some Freaky Friday junk that Ay-bed came up with."

The rest of the class stared at the study group members like they were on crack. Starburns uneasily shifted away from Pierce who was trying to make gangster hand signals at him.

Duncan sat down on his desk. "So you're telling me that... no wait, I actually don't want to know. My care factor has fallen so far below zero that we've now entered negative numbers. Right, moving on!" he continued, clapping his hands together. "Birley had a question. I'd go with the other amalgamation but I'm afraid that's a bit rude."

Shirley gave him a confused smile before pressing on. "I just wanted to say a big WTF to everyone here."

"And here's me trying not to offend people. Well a big WTF to you too."

Britta leant across to her friend. "Um, do you know what that means, _Britta_?"

"Yes I do, _Abed_," said Shirley in a sweet tone. "You're not the only one with your references. It means 'Welcome Terrific Friends'."

"Yeah, in the land of sparkles maybe," scoffed Jeff, earning a glare from Annie. He sighed and tried to adopt a perkier, more Annie tone. "And I'd know that because I was born there. My father is actually Prince Charming and my mother's a unicorn!"

"Real smooth," said Annie.

"That's not nice," said Troy, wagging a finger Jeff's way. "You just made Jesus mad and he'll strike you down with his big Jesus hammer or something."

Duncan rolled his eyes. "And you're making me and the rest of the class mad by yammering about things that are sending us to sleep. Congratulations and bags not having to sit next to any of you losers on the bus." He glanced out of the window. "Speaking of, I see Samuel's just pulled up so please collect a worksheet from me on the way out and I'll see you in the parking lot." He took a long swig from his hip flask while everyone was collecting their belongings.

The study group were the last ones to leave (Duncan had just thrown the rest of the sheets on his desk when he realized). Annie led the way down the hall. "I think we're off to a good start," she grinned, before remembering who she was. "Not that I care or anything because having fun sucks."

"I know we're off to a good start because I've seen Freaky Friday many times," said Britta, trying to sound convincing.

"Is that right, _Abed_?" said Jeff. "Who was your favorite actor in it?"

Britta's eye twitched. "All of them. I gave it five cools out of five." She made her hands into finger guns. "Pe-chew! Pe-chew!" Everyone stared at her as she slowly dropped her hands to her side.

"Don't worry, dude, I thought it was pretty cool too," said Pierce, nudging Britta's shoulder. "How about one of our weird high-fives, dog?"

Troy looked pained. "I think the word you're looking for is _dawg_, not that Troy even says that word and if he did he would kick himself in his own face... even though that's not very nice."

Britta held up her hand for Pierce but ducked away in outrage when he moved forward. "Hey! You slap your own chest, not mine!"

"Let's just go before the bus leaves without us," said Jeff, looking at Annie. "Lead the way, handsome hobo."

They set off down the corridor, not noticing Chang slinking around behind them.

_Continued..._


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks so much to everyone who has left reviews & put this fic on their story alert - I really appreciate it!**

* * *

><p>The group were left for dead at the museum entrance by the rest of the class and Duncan, whose only instructions were to "answer at least one question on the worksheet" and "wake me up from my nap in the bus before the gift shop closes".<p>

Annie was eyeing off the information pamphlets by the door when Chang suddenly sprang out in front of her. "So, Freaky Friday, huh? Who do I get to be?"

"Nigel no-mates, now get lost," said Abed.

"Hey! Not cool, Abed."

"I'm not Ay-bed, I'm Pierce," he replied, tapping his name tag. "And as owner of Hawthorne Wipes allow me to wipe you out of this conversation."

Pierce's eyes lit up. "Who's got a pen? I need to write that one down... yo."

"I'm part of this group," said Chang, stamping his foot, "and I demand to be included in your lame-ass game!"

"Go away, Chang," said Annie. "Don't you have a garbage bin to snoop through?" She faltered slightly when Chang got up in her personal space and glared at her.

"What was that, girl Winger?"

Annie peered around for help before realizing she was supposed to be in charge. "I said go away," she stammered, "or... am I not speaking your Changuage?"

Chang stepped back, not breaking eye contact with her. "Well, well, girl Winger's got some bite. But I'd keep your eyes peeled if I were you, because you haven't just made me Changry, you've made me Chang-raged!" He started to storm away before becoming distracted by a sign. "Ooh, coat room!"

"Ignore him," said Jeff. "He's full of empty threats and probably hallucinating from donating blood three times this week for the free cookies."

"It's OK," said Annie "If he bothers me again I'll just... knock him around with some more witty Winger-isms."

"Or your giant five-head," snarked Britta, before wiping the smile off her face. "I was quoting a movie."

Jeff gasped over-dramatically. "Don't insult Jeff like that; he can't help it if he has a big head to match his other big body parts."

"Like his big buns in those jeans!" said Troy. "Can I get an Amen?"

"Tone it down a notch, Shirley," Jeff muttered.

"I think we should split up for a while," said Annie, trying to regain control. "Going by name tags, Abed, Troy and Pierce can be in one group and the rest of you can stick with me."

"Cool, cool, coolsies," said Britta.

"Ditto, dog," added Pierce.

"Please get me away from myself," begged Troy.

* * *

><p>Britta strolled around outside with Abed and Pierce, admiring an old black locomotive. "This place reminds me of that movie with the train," she said. "I wish we were all characters in a train movie right now. Y'know, to be meta."<p>

"And I wish you'd talk like a normal person, but we can't always get what we want," said Abed.

"Hey, don't pick on my home boy, old man," said Pierce.

"Old man? I could take you any day, pipsqueak." Abed put up his fists. "Let's duke them out right now."

"_Or_, let's just keep looking around," Britta interrupted before Pierce took him up on the offer. "The fight sequence can wait until later."

"Word to your mother," said Pierce. "And the rest of your relatives."

"How about we check out one of the worksheet questions?" Britta peered at her piece of paper. "What is your favorite thing about trains? Wow, deep."

"I know my answer," said Abed. 'They're long and hard, just like my—"

"Woah, next question!" Britta yelped.

"I've got this one, dude." Pierce squinted at his worksheet. "What's your favorite thing about Professor Duncan? Seriously? What is this crap?"

"My favorite thing is that he sounds like Harry Potter," said Britta.

"Not really," said Abed.

"Did I say Harry? I meant the other one... Ron Wheezy."

"Who cares what magical fairy he's like," scoffed Pierce. "We need to keep moving before my knee seizes up... uh, is what an old fart like Pierce would say." He forced a laugh. "Nothing wrong with this fly fella."

Britta watched in amusement as Pierce awkwardly leapt from side to side like he was trying to fly. Abed tilted his head. "What are you doing?"

"Supermanning a hose, dweeb. It's by Soldier Boy, you wouldn't understand."

"And on that cool note," said Britta, "let's go to the next exhibit." She started to head off when she realized Pierce was hanging behind, keeping the same slow pace as Abed. "I may live to regret this but, are you coming, Troy? Y'know, best friends and all that junk."

Trying not to appear too pleased, Pierce pushed past Abed and took his place next to Britta. "High five?"

Britta protectively shielded her chest. "Yeah, maybe later."

* * *

><p>Annie studied a train diorama enclosed in a glass cabinet while Shirley and Troy wore headphones and listened to a presentation on the history of locomotives. Jeff stood to the side, playing with his phone.<p>

"I couldn't help but notice you're more interested in sending text messages than taking notes," said Annie, giving Jeff a disapproving look. "If there's a pop quiz on today's trip, who's everyone supposed to copy their answers from?"

"I am taking notes," Jeff replied, pointing to his head. "Mental ones, right up here. They're filed next to 'the color catalogue of sweaters I own' and 'crappy movies Mark Ruffalo has starred in'."

Annie folded her arms. "I admire how smart you are, _Annie_, all my head is useful for is growing over-styled bed hair."

"Well, you do have _super_ cute hair, Jeff."

"And stubble that looks like I've spray painted on; did I mention that?"

He smirked at her. "It must take the same amount of effort I put into ensuring my skirts are at the perfect length where Shirley won't judge me but everyone still gets an eyeful of my legs."

Annie tugged down her clothes in annoyance. "I can't say I've noticed since I try to pretend that Annie's a kid and not a grown-ass woman. After all, I am a hundred years old and fixated on age differences."

Jeff frowned and opened his mouth to reply just as Shirley and Troy reappeared.

"I wish I could say that was a nice movie, but I was so bored I wanted to suffocate myself with my giant purse," said Troy, plastering a smile on his face.

"Well I liked the part about workers' rights because I'm all about sticking it to the man," said Shirley. "... Or woman. I equally stick it to everyone."

Troy flipped through the pamphlet he'd picked up from reception. "Oh cool, there's a miniature train here you can ride on! You can pretend like you're a giant!"

Shirley shook her head. "That doesn't sound like something Shirley would do."

"Did I say train? I meant... Bible ride." Troy flashed her a hopeful look but she didn't back down. "You are such a buzzkill, you know that?" He shoved the pamphlet into his backpack.

"I am aren't I!" said Shirley, happily clapping her hands. "This is easier than I thought."

"Let's just move onto the next thing," suggested Annie, noticing Troy's bottom lip start to quiver. "Annie can take all the notes for us."

Jeff pouted and fluttered his eyelashes at them.

"What are you doing?" said Shirley.

"Are you having a stroke?" asked Troy.

Jeff paused. "Am I not depleting your power source with my wounded bush baby eyes?" They shook their heads. "Crap. That's harder than it looks."

* * *

><p>Pierce clutched the side of his face while Britta and Abed quickly led him away from an angry looking blond girl.<p>

"Hey, _Troy_," said Britta, handing Pierce her drink bottle to rest against his red cheek, "just a reminder that not _everyone_ in this place knows about our character swap. So if you tell a young girl she's got 'ghetto booty', you shouldn't be surprised when she slaps you."

"Her ass wasn't ghetto anyway," grumbled Pierce. "Two droopy flapjacks in a pair of shorts more like it."

"You just don't know how to treat the ladies right, Troy," said Abed. "That's why you keep getting shut down. That and your tendency to cry at the drop of a hat."

"_Pierce_," said Britta through gritted teeth, "now's really not the time."

"When's a good time, Ay-bed? When you finally express another emotion besides apathy?" Abed shoved his hands in his pockets. "Troy could just take a few lessons from me, that's all I'm saying."

Pierce gave the drink bottle back to Britta. "Shut up, Oldie Von Moldie, you don't know anything."

"No, _you're_ the one that doesn't know anything. The art of pick up lines is lost on you. Back in my day—"

"No one cares about your ancient stories, grandpa!" yelled Pierce. "You're just going to prattle on and on until our eyes glaze over, or until someone pretends they hear a fire alarm and runs off on you so you're standing all alone in the corridor like a loser!"

Britta and Abed exchanged guilty looks. "Hey Troy?" said Britta, gently putting her hand on Pierce's arm. "How about we cool off and take a ride on that mini train over there?"

Pierce shrugged and scuffed his toe in the dirt. "I'm too big for it."

"I don't know, I reckon that's just the right recipe for an Abed and Troy adventure," she smiled. "What about you, Pierce?"

Abed shook his head. "I'm going to stay here. Wouldn't want to interrupt your man date."

Britta held out her hand to Pierce for a high-five. "Train ride?"

Pierce nodded and high-fived her. "Radical, bro." They started to head for the ticket booth. "Wanna beat box some sick tunes on the way?"

"Don't push it."

* * *

><p>Annie, Jeff, Shirley and Troy found Abed standing near the train ride enclosure watching Britta and Pierce go round and round the track. Troy scowled when he saw how much fun they were having, even with Pierce's feet dragging along the ground.<p>

"As a good Christian woman I shouldn't really judge people who want to have fun," said Troy, giving Shirley the evil eye. "Did people tell off Jesus when he wanted to have a joint birthday with Santa? I don't think so."

"Again with the Jesus," sighed Shirley, quickly turning her back to make an apologetic sign of the cross. "Why can't we talk about someone else? I'm sure there's a random person from another country we've never heard of that I can lecture everyone about incessantly."

Annie groaned in annoyance. "Or how about you just knit your one-eyed cat another eye patch?"

"Ooh, are we doing exasperating Britta and Jeff banter?" asked Shirley. Annie nodded excitedly at her so she cleared her throat and put on her best sour expression. "I can't knit an eye patch because I'm already too busy knitting you a forehead warmer. It's already taken three balls of yarn and I'm only halfway done."

"Looking forward to it – I can use it to strangle myself when you go on about the occupational health and safety rights of goblins."

"Blah, blah, blah, something hipster!" Shirley dissolved into giggles with Annie.

Jeff glared at them. "We... I mean, Jeff and Britta sound nothing like that."

"Yeah they do," said Troy and Abed in unison.

Britta and Pierce waved at everyone as they passed, looking slightly out of place amongst all the other child-sized passengers. Troy pressed himself up against the fence as if a magnet was pulling him in while Abed was trying to remain disinterested but couldn't help sneaking glances towards the ticket booth.

"That's it, I'm going on the ride," said Troy. He turned around to find Shirley in his face.

"Shirley doesn't go on rides, remember?"

"This Shirley does, sweetie pumpkin snicker doodle," Troy replied, attempting to side step her.

Shirley lowered her voice. "I said, Shirley don't _do_ that."

The others watched the stand-off, certain that Troy was about to turn on the waterworks, when he suddenly grabbed Shirley's handbag and ran off with it.

"You come back here right now!" yelled Shirley.

"Oh my God, what have I _done_!" Troy screamed, bolting for the main building.

Hands on hips, Shirley whirled around to face Annie and Jeff, who were having a hard time concealing their fits of laughter. "Well don't just stand there, go after him!"

"What? Why us?" said Jeff.

"Because you two wouldn't make a pregnant lady run, that's why."

"Ahh, but you see, Britta, you're not really up the duff so—"

"Are you seriously getting cute with me right now?"

Jeff ducked his head. "No, mam."

"What about Abed?" said Annie.

Shirley stood next to him. "Pierce has only recently recovered from broken legs."

"It's true," said Abed, "they're half made of used car parts."

"You can't un-Britta-fy yourself and re-Pierce Abed," exclaimed Jeff. "What if I just decide to de-Annie myself but Annie keeps Jeff-ing herself? Just Jeff-ing herself over and over and—"

"I think she gets it!" yelped Annie.

"Just get my damn handbag!"

* * *

><p>Annie and Jeff re-traced their steps through the building, keeping an eye out for signs of commotion.<p>

"Troy?" Jeff called out. "Troy if you can hear us, get your ass here now!" Annie frowned at him. "Or whatever the cutesy equivalent of ass is!"

"Troy, we really need to get that handbag back," said Annie, cupping her hands around her mouth. "Hello, Troy? ... _Shirley_?"

Jeff came to an abrupt stop next to a roped-off mannequin display. "This is ridiculous; we're never going to find him." He suddenly started to laugh. "Or we will if we just stepped back into this century and used our cell phones to call him."

"You'll have to do it; I don't have my phone with me."

"I'm sorry; Jeff Winger doesn't have a phone?"

"Well maybe it's time that Jeff Winger learnt to pry his precious cell away from his fingers," Annie retorted. "God forbid I don't play Angry Birds every hour! Why don't you just use your phone, _Annie_?"

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"My battery died before when I was playing Angry Birds," he mumbled.

"How typical of me."

"Excuse me?"

Annie blew a strand of hair away from her face. "I'm just saying that if I spent half as much time talking with the group as I do on my phone, maybe I'd be less of a jerk sometimes."

"Woah, back up there," said Jeff, narrowing his eyes. "Where is this coming from?"

"You know what, nowhere. Forget I said anything."

Jeff got in her way so she couldn't walk out. "No, how about we keep playing. Maybe I could talk about how I make issues out of nothing to try and force people to over-share their feelings?"

"Feelings?" scoffed Annie. "Don't even know what that word means. Any time someone brings up that concept I run and hide."

"Well maybe if I didn't romanticize everything I wouldn't be such a feelings monster feeding off the emotions of everyone around me!"

"Hey, there's another word I don't know! Romance!"

"This is getting really frustrating talking as each other!" he yelled.

"Tell me about it!"

Jeff and Annie glowered at one other, nostrils flaring. "OK," said Jeff, "using my Annie powers I invoke a 90-second study break from this game. Ready? Go."

"I am not a feelings monster!" Annie immediately blurted out.

"And I am well aware of the meaning of words but I choose to live on the sarcasm page of the thesaurus because it's more comfortable that way!" Jeff retorted.

Realizing that half the museum patrons were now staring at them, Annie walked over and sat down on a bench. Jeff followed her. "Doesn't it get tiring sometimes?" she asked, her voice becoming quiet. "Heck, I've only been you for a few hours and it's exhausting pretending not to care."

"Isn't it just as exhausting using up all of your energy trying to please everyone?" Jeff rested his arm across the back of the seat. "Seriously, I've only taken, like, ten percent of the notes you usually scribble down and I'm over it already. Why are you so happy to let us steal them from you?"

Annie shrugged. "I like being helpful... I like being needed."

"We're not going to disown you just because you don't give us notes. I mean, sure, we might have to throw balls of paper at you in outrage, but that's the extent of our punishments."

"You still didn't answer _my_ question."

"Non-sharing non-feelings guy remember?"

"I don't actually believe that you know, even if I did say it." She gave him a small smile. "Sometimes, you can be the biggest tool alive and I just want to punch you."

"You do have a mean right hook."

"But then there are these... moments. These unguarded Jeff moments where you actually commit to something and I can see there's more to you than expensive clothes and one-liners."

Jeff quirked his lips into a smile before moving his hand to her shoulder. He gently smoothed down her name tag where a corner had come unstuck.

"I think our 90 seconds may have been and gone," she said.

"At least the floor wasn't lava this time." He stood up and held out his hand to help her to her feet. "Ready to go back to bizarro world for a while longer?"

"Sure. Although one last Annie thought – why don't we split up and look for Troy? We'd cover more ground that way."

"See, that's why you're the brains and I'm the beauty."

"Shut up."

* * *

><p>Annie nudged a sheepish looking Troy to where everyone, bar Jeff, was waiting on the platform near the black locomotive. Troy gingerly held out the handbag to Shirley, who took it with an aura of disappointment.<p>

"I found him hiding behind a pot plant," explained Annie.

"I'm sorry I stole our bag," said Troy, peering at the ground. "That was pretty un-Jesus of me."

Shirley took her place back on the bench and hugged her bag to her chest. "Apology accepted. And as punishment I think when we're back to normal, you should really consider attending that jamboree on the weekend."

The rest of the group groaned at her but Troy just nodded. "I think that's a good idea."

Britta looked confused. "Have you Freaky Friday-d yourself into Shirley for real?"

"No, I just think it'd be good to be there for Sh... I mean, me." Troy glanced over at Shirley. "Maybe I need to know that I'm not second best."

"What the hell are you on about, dog?" said Pierce.

Troy let out a shriek of annoyance. "For the last time, it's _dawg_, and you are ruining the entire language of coolness for everyone on earth!"

Pierce just stared at him defiantly. "... _Dog_."

"Now boys, don't fight," said Shirley. "We all say things different ways. I mean I call things 'baggels' and you don't see me making a fuss even though I sound stupid."

"Woah, back up the phone there," frowned Britta. "If I could just quote something from my friend Forrest Gump, 'Stupid is as stupid does'." She took in their surprised expressions. "Yeah, I know actual movie quotes sometimes! Suck it!"

"Suck what?" said Abed. "This whole conversation sucks. I don't know half the crap you guys talk about."

"That's true," Pierce nodded sadly, before shaking himself back to normal. "Would everyone stop arguing with each other before I start screaming like a mental case and or burst into floods of girly tears!"

"Those aren't girly tears, they're big boy emotions!" wailed Troy. "That's not nice!"

"Everybody shut up!"

The group gaped at Annie, who had climbed on top of a wooden post to make herself seen. Now that she had their attention she didn't quite know where to go next.

"Uh, right, shutting up accomplished," she said, awkwardly jumping back onto the ground. "You all need to listen to me because boy have I got a Winger speech lined up for you... trust me it's a doozy." She wrung her hands together. "OK, say you're chasing waterfalls but the rivers and the lakes you're used to are—"

"Allow me to take it from here."

Everyone whirled around to see Jeff emerge from the building, dressed in a vintage train conductor's uniform. He leapt over to the locomotive and stood on the front of it with confidence.

"Jeff, what are you doing?" said Annie. "And what on earth are you wearing?"

"I may suck at being other people, but I definitely know how to be myself and I'm committing to that," he replied with a meaningful look. "Oh, and I kind of stole this outfit from a mannequin display because I wanted to commit to the train motif, too, so this speech is gonna have to be quick before security finds me and tackles me."

Annie smiled. "Feel free to use my waterfall analogy."

"I might just leave that to TLC." Jeff spread his arms out wide. "Today as a group we have learnt a valuable lesson. We learnt that collectively we suck and we like to tear each other down. But, we also showed that we know a hell of a lot more about each other than we care to admit because the jibes and the put-downs came so easily to us." He patted the front of the engine. "We may think that Greendale is slowly sucking the life out of us, but in reality, it's a locomotive that runs on _us_. Our uniqueness is what makes this group thrive, and in turn it's what makes our dreary college experience that much brighter. So maybe we are doomed to love one another in a dysfunctional kind of way, or in a creepy kind of way like the Lohans, but whatever it is we'll always know we can depend on one another."

Everyone smiled at him while Annie led a small smattering of applause. Troy hesitantly stepped forward and put up his hand. "Can I add something to that? As me this time, not Shirley."

"Go for it," said Jeff.

"I know this is going to sound bad, but when I had Shirley's bag I accidentally on purpose answered her phone when it rang." He shot a guilty look his friend's way. "Before I had a chance to say more than hello some lady ranted on and on about no one coming to Shirley's jamboree because her afternoon tea was more important and to stop hassling everyone about it. Then she just hung up." Troy went and sat next to Shirley. "The caller ID said 'Mega Bitch'. Who's that?"

Shirley kept her eyes downcast. "That's my sister-in-law. She's always disliked me. If I wasn't a proper Christian lady I would seriously tear her a new one..."

Britta sat down on the other side of Shirley and rubbed her arm. "You know what? I think I might be free for a few hours on Saturday. Maybe I'll drop by."

"Me too," said Annie. "Your voice deserves the biggest audience there is."

"Count me in as well," said Jeff. "You're just singing one song, though, right? It's not going to turn into an episode of Glee?" Annie whacked him on the arm. "Kidding. We'll all be there."

The others agreed and Shirley beamed at them with watery eyes. "Thank you, everyone."

"There you losers are!"

The group jumped when Chang, wearing three different jackets, leapt out at them from the door before promptly fainting on the spot. Annie bent down to see if he was OK while the others crowded around.

"Well that was a letdown," said Britta. "Talk about a lame Chekhov's Gun." She turned to Abed. "Did I even get that remotely right?"

Abed nodded. "You did. And to quote a friend of mine, 'I gave it five cools out of five'."

"Britta for the win!"

* * *

><p>Troy and Abed sat on Abed's dorm room couch throwing Cheetos in the air and trying to catch them in their mouths.<p>

"And that's why my Mr Fluffykins Angel Face only eats baggels!" said Troy, bursting into laughter along with Abed. "OK, hold up, let's change personalities again. This time you be Annie and I'll be... Jeff!"

"Cool, cool. OK, go."

"Hey Annie, I saw you staring at my manly biceps again," said Troy in a deep voice.

"Don't be gross, Jeff," said Abed in a high-pitched voice. "Although you do have a super awesome body."

"I can crack walnuts with my ass."

"Let me swoon."

"You know what we should do? Stare at each other with googly eyes."

"I've already started."

"And then we can make out!" The smile faded from Troy's face as he and Abed suddenly assessed the weirdness of the situation.

"You want to watch a movie?" said Abed, shifting back to his side of the couch.

"Hell yes. Anything but Freaky Friday," said Troy awkwardly. "Or anything with Tim Allen in it, that dude makes me want to punch things."

_The end_


End file.
